Monday, December 7, 2009
Her memory resides - the beginning of the end
After an awesome (but tiring) night of beer and heavy metal, I woke up yesterday in the evening. 5k0uz3r and I had tea and cigarettes (the official breakfast) together, and he dropped me near my home. I was to walk the rest of the way, because of the cop problem we'd faced before.
I was walking, thinking about what to read for the next exam. Suddenly, I smelled a perfume. It was astonishingly familiar. I thought for a moment, and I remembered. It was the same perfume she used to wear. And then, I forgot all about the exam and walking back home and realized that all of this has got something to do with the guy that I was five years ago.
She and I were in the same class. Well, she was in Arts though, and I was in Science. I was kinda famous in my class back then. I was one of the best guys ( on the basis of academics) in my class (in the science section), and whenever there were unit tests, I often happened to be the guy helping everyone copy from me. The arts people liked me because we had English in common, and they used to copy from me. In fact, I enjoyed the position of "the helper".
She and I met for the first time inside the bus, which used to get us back home from school. She'd asked a small kid to play a joke on me, so that she could talk with me. We turned to be good friends thereafter. We always used to talk while going back home. I liked the talks. They ranged from how studies and exams were to what kind of persons we liked.
After a few weeks, I realized I loved her. Now, I was quite scared about rejection, as that had happened before. Although this girl was single, I didn't know if she'd say yes to a guy who was quite studious, and more of a bookish guy. As days went by, I started to be more and more tense about what to do. So I decided to make my move, and whatever will happen, shall be handled after it happens. It was the same as thinking, "People normally don't do what they have the courage to do. That's not how it works. It works like this - You do what you are shitless scared of, and gain the courage after you do it, not before you do it."
So, the next day, when we were coming back in the bus, we didn't get a place to sit (senior classes were discharged after the junior classes, so that the kids always got the seats before we were in the bus). That was often the case, and like most days, we were standing together, talking. All of a sudden, I asked her what kind of person she'd like to spend her life with. She told me. She told me exactly the description I wanted to hear. That was more or less like me. I told her about me.
Now, it was kinda like a routine, that when she got down at her stoppage, she'd wave me goodbye and I'd do the same.
It was 2nd February 2005, when I finally decided to tell her what I felt. It was lunch time. I finished my food quite fast that day. Went down to the playground, where she usually had her lunch with her friends. She was sitting with one of her friends (whose name I don't quite recall at this moment). I went up to her. She looked up at me, and I told her that I needed to talk to her. She seemed puzzled as to what it could be. We walked in to the corridor. She stood near the notice board, and asked, "What is it?"
I am Jack's nervous breakdown.
I somehow managed to utter, "We were talking about that life partner thing right?"
I was waiting for her to be a bit surprised. She might have been, but didn't let it show up on her face. She just said, "Yeah?"
"Well, what if that person was me?"
I had just missed a heart attack.
I swear I noticed a smile on her face, but she hid it. She said that she'd tell me later. I wanted her to take her time to decide what she wanted. I said, "Okay. I'll see you in the bus then."
She went back to her friend. I was however tense as to what she might say. That day was one of the longest days of my life.
Back in the bus, I asked her what she'd decided. She told me that she'd tell on Valentine's day. I had to agree.
The waiting got longer. My classmates got to know about this. A few days later, Suchismita (she was in my class, and we were quite good friends back then) wanted to talk to me about this. Although she knew about it, she wanted me to tell her. After I was done, she told me that she was four years older than me. I was surprised as to why she hadn't told me that before. But I guess it was okay. Suchismita said that may be she would have thought that it would take my interest away from her. That day I asked her if that was so, and she just said, "You just didn't ask me about that before." She was right.
The next day, Sumita (who considered me one of her best friends, and still does) got to know about this and was kinda pissed off as to why I hadn't told her. I had not told her though. She was not sure if I should get along with Madhu. Mostly because she was detained twice and I was the topper at that time. I tried to make her understand that it really did not matter.
As valentine's day drew closer, I had to decide what to get as a gift. I didn't really get any pocket money. I had saved some money, that I used to get for auto fare while going to tuitions, by walking all the way instead of taking an auto. I didn't really have much money. I remember 13th February 2005 was Saraswati Puja. I went out with father and my bro, as they said they were going to see some puja. I thought as to how I'd be able to get past them and get a chocolate (5 star was her favourite) for her. Luckily, I got lost, father and bro went on a different street and I found that I'd lost 'em. I got in a shop and bought the chocolate. I found them later though.
Next day, Sumita had got me a red rose from her house (for Madhu), as was decided. In the second period, it was games period for us, and Arts had a games period too. One of the guys from Arts (whose name I don't remember) came up to me and told me that she was waiting in their class for me.
I went to that classroom. She was sitting there, alone. I went towards her, still nervous. I sat beside her and gave her the gift and the rose, saying, "Happy Valentine's day". I'd never said that to someone before. May be I should have rephrased my words. I told her that I loved her. I was waiting for her to answer. But she didn't. I managed to say, "You can take your time if you want." She said that she'd take some time to tell me if she'd get in that relationship.
Sumita later asked what happened. Everyone that knew was asking. I of course didn't have an answer. I told Sumita about that. She went to talk to Madhu. After the whole day passed, in the last but one class, Sumita called me up from the class and we went to Madhu. She was blushing and all she could say was a simple "The answer is yes."
I was the happy boy with a box of chocolates. I jumped in joy. I was happy. I was the calm little center of the world.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
What's this life for?
Not unlike many nights, I could not sleep last night. With this pressure kinda thing in your head, you think more. Your mind goes astray thinking about a hell lot of different kinds of things. I remember when I used to be this high tech hacker guy, whose mind wandered in the unexplored depths of the cyber world. With time, my explorations became slower. I started taking a slide towards this crazy guy, who just thinks a lot. I unraveled the mysteries about life and everything. But on the other hand, I sometimes find myself questioning, "Is this all worth it?" Ironically, I do not seem to be having the answer to that. Over and again, Jack's words click back in my head:
Looking in the mirror, I find my face sagging down. I begin to accept what they probably call "fate". Everything that begins must at some point, end.
I have, like most of us must have, tried to figure out the answer to why we all exist. My purpose however, was to find the reason for my existence. I never did though. But in the place where I am, it doesn't really matter any more. May be we really are here to just be "happy", but again, not everyone thinks like that.
Tyler's words coming out of my mouth. And I used to be such a nice guy.
With insomnia, nothing is real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy.
Looking in the mirror, I find my face sagging down. I begin to accept what they probably call "fate". Everything that begins must at some point, end.
I have, like most of us must have, tried to figure out the answer to why we all exist. My purpose however, was to find the reason for my existence. I never did though. But in the place where I am, it doesn't really matter any more. May be we really are here to just be "happy", but again, not everyone thinks like that.
We are the middle children of history. No purpose or place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives.
Tyler's words coming out of my mouth. And I used to be such a nice guy.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Hack your life
This blog has taken a sudden shift from ultra l33t hacker articles to articles relating to the life of a hacker. But that, I suppose is a good thing. Now it won't be boring for anyone.
Today, I will tell you the greatest hack that was ever discovered. The hack can and has changed several lives. But only for those that have known it and done it. If you know this, you can hack your life! But first, it requires you to hack your mind.
As with all of us, on a wide basis, we all have two kinds of philosophies:
What I am trying to do here is share what I know. My motive here is not to change what you believe, but to show you the truth. It is however, upto your discretion to do what you think is right.
You look back. Say, 20 years back from now. There was telephone, and there was this newly born Internet (newly born in the sense that the general public had just started using it). The world had already started seeing cases of cyber crimes. Those included a great deal of social engineering. Calling people up in organizations and then pretending to be a government official or maintenance staff or something and then extracting relevant information from them. People used to think that one day, in near future, there will be no prank calls. Everyone would know who is calling. Everyone will know the calling number, and after some time, they'd know the name. And after that, they might even know what the purpose of the call is!
Now fast forward to the present. We first had caller IDs coming to the market. We started getting numbers. But eventually, we figured it was hard to remember all the numbers. So, it became necessary now, to know the name as well. So, we started having phone books, which would tell the name of the person calling now.
What my point in telling all this is that when you think of something that isn't there (not just in the realm of technology), you fear it. Eventually when that does start happening, you slowly accept it, and at a certain point of time, it all becomes "normal".
Have you ever wondered why it is like, someone or some groups of people imagine a certain thing, which might turn into fear or absolute awe, becomes reality after some time?
Well, I gotta tell you, it's mostly because they communicate it with others. When many people start wondering about the same thing, it materializes faster. Now, guess what? Everyone's probably thinking about 2012. After the movie is out, the mayan controversy is back again. More people now know about this. As a result, more people think about this same thing. This is not the way it should be. Because if we think about it over and over again, it will definitely materialize. But when we do a little more research on the Internet, we come to know that it is what archaeologists and scientists "think". This may or may not be true that the Mayan saw the end of the world coming. It might have been some other cause. But, this very thought is taking us closer to the end. Now I cannot change how the world thinks, but I can suggest a better way of trying to make things better (favorable).
One thing I have learned in all this time is, "Thoughts become Things". If you think something about some event or material, it will eventually materialize.
Pertaining to the last post, where I wrote about how pathetic the situation is. It is not because it is what it is. We have been witnessing some of it, and have been thinking the same since the last few decades. As a result, this has been exponentially increasing. The more we try to run from them, the more we go towards them. That's how things work. The only way out of this would be think about what you want, rather than what you don't want.
With these words, I make the last post or rather, this post, controversial. I am saying exactly the opposite of what I did. But, the only justification I'd give to that, is that if I didn't post that, there was no point in posting this article.
My point also, is that competition is not what takes us towards "the greater good". It is creation. This can be proven from day to day experience. And if you are in India, and have been a good student, as they call it, at some point of time, you'd understand this. If your aim is to top the class, you'd always think of beating the person in front of you. In all, you'd be left trying to be better than a set standard, but you can never understand what really is the "standard" that is supposed to be good. In fact, there is none. You define what you want and if you take the steps to get it, you definitely will.
A mass trend in thoughts is leading us all to what we are going to. If we have to change something which pertains to all of us, all of us, or at the very least, most of us should think that way.
Today, I will tell you the greatest hack that was ever discovered. The hack can and has changed several lives. But only for those that have known it and done it. If you know this, you can hack your life! But first, it requires you to hack your mind.
As with all of us, on a wide basis, we all have two kinds of philosophies:
- Everything happens for a reason
- There is no such thing as reason. Everything is an accident.
What I am trying to do here is share what I know. My motive here is not to change what you believe, but to show you the truth. It is however, upto your discretion to do what you think is right.
You look back. Say, 20 years back from now. There was telephone, and there was this newly born Internet (newly born in the sense that the general public had just started using it). The world had already started seeing cases of cyber crimes. Those included a great deal of social engineering. Calling people up in organizations and then pretending to be a government official or maintenance staff or something and then extracting relevant information from them. People used to think that one day, in near future, there will be no prank calls. Everyone would know who is calling. Everyone will know the calling number, and after some time, they'd know the name. And after that, they might even know what the purpose of the call is!
Now fast forward to the present. We first had caller IDs coming to the market. We started getting numbers. But eventually, we figured it was hard to remember all the numbers. So, it became necessary now, to know the name as well. So, we started having phone books, which would tell the name of the person calling now.
What my point in telling all this is that when you think of something that isn't there (not just in the realm of technology), you fear it. Eventually when that does start happening, you slowly accept it, and at a certain point of time, it all becomes "normal".
Have you ever wondered why it is like, someone or some groups of people imagine a certain thing, which might turn into fear or absolute awe, becomes reality after some time?
Well, I gotta tell you, it's mostly because they communicate it with others. When many people start wondering about the same thing, it materializes faster. Now, guess what? Everyone's probably thinking about 2012. After the movie is out, the mayan controversy is back again. More people now know about this. As a result, more people think about this same thing. This is not the way it should be. Because if we think about it over and over again, it will definitely materialize. But when we do a little more research on the Internet, we come to know that it is what archaeologists and scientists "think". This may or may not be true that the Mayan saw the end of the world coming. It might have been some other cause. But, this very thought is taking us closer to the end. Now I cannot change how the world thinks, but I can suggest a better way of trying to make things better (favorable).
One thing I have learned in all this time is, "Thoughts become Things". If you think something about some event or material, it will eventually materialize.
Pertaining to the last post, where I wrote about how pathetic the situation is. It is not because it is what it is. We have been witnessing some of it, and have been thinking the same since the last few decades. As a result, this has been exponentially increasing. The more we try to run from them, the more we go towards them. That's how things work. The only way out of this would be think about what you want, rather than what you don't want.
With these words, I make the last post or rather, this post, controversial. I am saying exactly the opposite of what I did. But, the only justification I'd give to that, is that if I didn't post that, there was no point in posting this article.
My point also, is that competition is not what takes us towards "the greater good". It is creation. This can be proven from day to day experience. And if you are in India, and have been a good student, as they call it, at some point of time, you'd understand this. If your aim is to top the class, you'd always think of beating the person in front of you. In all, you'd be left trying to be better than a set standard, but you can never understand what really is the "standard" that is supposed to be good. In fact, there is none. You define what you want and if you take the steps to get it, you definitely will.
A mass trend in thoughts is leading us all to what we are going to. If we have to change something which pertains to all of us, all of us, or at the very least, most of us should think that way.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
India - Not a free society
This post is rather about how governments and their legislation and stuff are full of unnecessary vulnerabilities. I must say this before I begin:
I hereby declare that all this information is entirely true. I shall not be responsible if this causes and stupid wars or something. All I am doing is speaking the fucking truth. If you cannot admit and accept the truth, you'd better not read this. I have a right to freedom of speech, and you or anyone else cannot blame me for using that right.
All I am trying to do here, is open people's eyes, not blind them.
So, it happens that a few days back, I happen to smoke a cigarette after dinner on the roof with a neighbor (a guy from another college). All of a sudden, there's a fucking blast, and a house nearby seems to be on fire. We both run on towards the railing of the roof to see whatever was going on. Turns out that a bike is going towards the end of the street. The building is on fire. A drain right in front of it is on fire, which clearly tells that some kind of fuel was used. We stood in awe, and noticed that the door is on fire. I thought it was a good idea to go tell someone so that the situation could be brought under control. I told the other guy, "Hey man, let's go tell someone. The fire might spread." To that, he says, "Let's just finish the cigarette first." I thought that was quite reasonable, 'cause the fire was already going high. How much could it increase in about a couple of minutes?
I could not hold on that long. The fire seemed pretty annihilating. I threw more than half the cigarette and went down to tell someone. Then people gathered around and tried putting out the fucking fire. Then it turns out that the house was a shop, that remains closed most of the time. The fire brigade came, and then came the cops (Yeah, someone did call 'em up). So, I got dragged as the witness. Of course, all I'd seen was the taillight of the bike. I just told 'em what I'd seen. Meanwhile, the other guy, with whom I was smoking, hid his coward little ass in his room. So, I reckoned it was better not to utter the fact that I wasn't the only one to see that shit.
A few days later the cops come again to get some more information. I told the same thing again. Of course, there wasn't anything else to be told.
Today, that same guy (the cop that came the other day) comes up again and tells me that there won't be no hearing for that case, 'cause the shop owner hadn't any financial information about that little shop of his. I felt a bit relaxed, mostly because I had this exam going on (not because I had to testify, for I was ready to do that, but wasn't ready to hamper the exam for that). We talked about how the student life was with me. He told that he had caught a few guys from my college going around drunk at 3 at nights. We were on the same page with me telling that stuffs should be up to a certain limit (you have to say stuffs to socialize right?). He told how he had to spend a lot of money for his son, who is now a doctor. He told how he'd ran our from home and stayed in Kolkata for a few years (after coming to know that it's where my home is). All in all, it was a nice talk. Then he went away.
After a few minutes, I went out with a friend of mine, to have some tea and a smoke or two. He came on another friend's bike. As we were going back towards my place (he was dropping me), some cops stopped us (the police station is on the way). I looked at the guy wh0 was in front of us. I was relieved to see that the guy was the same cop who came to my house about a few minutes ago. I thought he won't bother me, 'cause he knows me. He gave me a smile, and told my friend (who was driving) to show him the license and the papers of the bike. The papers were supposed to be under the seat. We tried to open it up for about five minutes. Not having done so earlier, took us quite some time. Then we didn't find it, the bike owner had kept it somewhere else in his house. Now we were in deep shit. The cop now says that we'd have to pay a fine. The other way out is to give him a bribe of 100 bucks. I was astonished to see, that the guy was telling that. Just a few minutes ago, he was such a good person. And now, he was just another "Indian" cop.
Sooner or later, we had to give up. The bike wasn't ours. We had to give the fucking money. I didn't quite like the idea of bribing him. There was no slip or something. All the money went in his pocket. Now, the point is (about which I came to know later), that they are not traffic police. So, they can't just stop a vehicle in the road and ask for money. Another guy got caught and although he had all the papers, was being asked to pay a 100 bucks (bribe of course) by the same man. He, on the other hand used his tactics to get out of the situation.
They say India will be a developed nation by 2020. But honestly, I don't see a fucking chance. India, as I see from the inside, is not a developing country. Ironically, it can't be labeled an underdeveloped country either. I'd label India as (and probably I might be inventing a new word), an UNDERDEVELOPING country. While the rest of the world is going forward, India is going backwards. Many people will say stuffs against this, but again, it is them who are the cause for this. And this is not the only incident because of which I'm so much pissed off. I live here, and I see shit happening every single day. After all, this country, or any goddamn country is not made of soil and water and trees and flowers and mountains! We, the fucking people, the inhabitants make the country. But, I reckon, the people of this country will never learn this. I do not really feel enraged any more. I feel sorry for this country.
I hereby declare that all this information is entirely true. I shall not be responsible if this causes and stupid wars or something. All I am doing is speaking the fucking truth. If you cannot admit and accept the truth, you'd better not read this. I have a right to freedom of speech, and you or anyone else cannot blame me for using that right.
All I am trying to do here, is open people's eyes, not blind them.
So, it happens that a few days back, I happen to smoke a cigarette after dinner on the roof with a neighbor (a guy from another college). All of a sudden, there's a fucking blast, and a house nearby seems to be on fire. We both run on towards the railing of the roof to see whatever was going on. Turns out that a bike is going towards the end of the street. The building is on fire. A drain right in front of it is on fire, which clearly tells that some kind of fuel was used. We stood in awe, and noticed that the door is on fire. I thought it was a good idea to go tell someone so that the situation could be brought under control. I told the other guy, "Hey man, let's go tell someone. The fire might spread." To that, he says, "Let's just finish the cigarette first." I thought that was quite reasonable, 'cause the fire was already going high. How much could it increase in about a couple of minutes?
I could not hold on that long. The fire seemed pretty annihilating. I threw more than half the cigarette and went down to tell someone. Then people gathered around and tried putting out the fucking fire. Then it turns out that the house was a shop, that remains closed most of the time. The fire brigade came, and then came the cops (Yeah, someone did call 'em up). So, I got dragged as the witness. Of course, all I'd seen was the taillight of the bike. I just told 'em what I'd seen. Meanwhile, the other guy, with whom I was smoking, hid his coward little ass in his room. So, I reckoned it was better not to utter the fact that I wasn't the only one to see that shit.
A few days later the cops come again to get some more information. I told the same thing again. Of course, there wasn't anything else to be told.
Today, that same guy (the cop that came the other day) comes up again and tells me that there won't be no hearing for that case, 'cause the shop owner hadn't any financial information about that little shop of his. I felt a bit relaxed, mostly because I had this exam going on (not because I had to testify, for I was ready to do that, but wasn't ready to hamper the exam for that). We talked about how the student life was with me. He told that he had caught a few guys from my college going around drunk at 3 at nights. We were on the same page with me telling that stuffs should be up to a certain limit (you have to say stuffs to socialize right?). He told how he had to spend a lot of money for his son, who is now a doctor. He told how he'd ran our from home and stayed in Kolkata for a few years (after coming to know that it's where my home is). All in all, it was a nice talk. Then he went away.
After a few minutes, I went out with a friend of mine, to have some tea and a smoke or two. He came on another friend's bike. As we were going back towards my place (he was dropping me), some cops stopped us (the police station is on the way). I looked at the guy wh0 was in front of us. I was relieved to see that the guy was the same cop who came to my house about a few minutes ago. I thought he won't bother me, 'cause he knows me. He gave me a smile, and told my friend (who was driving) to show him the license and the papers of the bike. The papers were supposed to be under the seat. We tried to open it up for about five minutes. Not having done so earlier, took us quite some time. Then we didn't find it, the bike owner had kept it somewhere else in his house. Now we were in deep shit. The cop now says that we'd have to pay a fine. The other way out is to give him a bribe of 100 bucks. I was astonished to see, that the guy was telling that. Just a few minutes ago, he was such a good person. And now, he was just another "Indian" cop.
Sooner or later, we had to give up. The bike wasn't ours. We had to give the fucking money. I didn't quite like the idea of bribing him. There was no slip or something. All the money went in his pocket. Now, the point is (about which I came to know later), that they are not traffic police. So, they can't just stop a vehicle in the road and ask for money. Another guy got caught and although he had all the papers, was being asked to pay a 100 bucks (bribe of course) by the same man. He, on the other hand used his tactics to get out of the situation.
They say India will be a developed nation by 2020. But honestly, I don't see a fucking chance. India, as I see from the inside, is not a developing country. Ironically, it can't be labeled an underdeveloped country either. I'd label India as (and probably I might be inventing a new word), an UNDERDEVELOPING country. While the rest of the world is going forward, India is going backwards. Many people will say stuffs against this, but again, it is them who are the cause for this. And this is not the only incident because of which I'm so much pissed off. I live here, and I see shit happening every single day. After all, this country, or any goddamn country is not made of soil and water and trees and flowers and mountains! We, the fucking people, the inhabitants make the country. But, I reckon, the people of this country will never learn this. I do not really feel enraged any more. I feel sorry for this country.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
milw0rm under attack
It's 3:06 GMT and I am trying to see milw0rm.org after many days, in an attempt to find a vulnerability in my web server. Ironically, it seems that milw0rm is under a DOS attack. The browser won't connect.
After trying to find out news about this in google, I see nothing. No posts about it. But what I did see is something that might clarify the answer to who and why. This forum post was found trying to Google "milw0rm is under attack".
http://www.messblack.com/v2/forum/lofiversion/index.php/t15781.html
After trying to find out news about this in google, I see nothing. No posts about it. But what I did see is something that might clarify the answer to who and why. This forum post was found trying to Google "milw0rm is under attack".
http://www.messblack.com/v2/forum/lofiversion/index.php/t15781.html
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