Monday, December 7, 2009
Her memory resides - the beginning of the end
After an awesome (but tiring) night of beer and heavy metal, I woke up yesterday in the evening. 5k0uz3r and I had tea and cigarettes (the official breakfast) together, and he dropped me near my home. I was to walk the rest of the way, because of the cop problem we'd faced before.
I was walking, thinking about what to read for the next exam. Suddenly, I smelled a perfume. It was astonishingly familiar. I thought for a moment, and I remembered. It was the same perfume she used to wear. And then, I forgot all about the exam and walking back home and realized that all of this has got something to do with the guy that I was five years ago.
She and I were in the same class. Well, she was in Arts though, and I was in Science. I was kinda famous in my class back then. I was one of the best guys ( on the basis of academics) in my class (in the science section), and whenever there were unit tests, I often happened to be the guy helping everyone copy from me. The arts people liked me because we had English in common, and they used to copy from me. In fact, I enjoyed the position of "the helper".
She and I met for the first time inside the bus, which used to get us back home from school. She'd asked a small kid to play a joke on me, so that she could talk with me. We turned to be good friends thereafter. We always used to talk while going back home. I liked the talks. They ranged from how studies and exams were to what kind of persons we liked.
After a few weeks, I realized I loved her. Now, I was quite scared about rejection, as that had happened before. Although this girl was single, I didn't know if she'd say yes to a guy who was quite studious, and more of a bookish guy. As days went by, I started to be more and more tense about what to do. So I decided to make my move, and whatever will happen, shall be handled after it happens. It was the same as thinking, "People normally don't do what they have the courage to do. That's not how it works. It works like this - You do what you are shitless scared of, and gain the courage after you do it, not before you do it."
So, the next day, when we were coming back in the bus, we didn't get a place to sit (senior classes were discharged after the junior classes, so that the kids always got the seats before we were in the bus). That was often the case, and like most days, we were standing together, talking. All of a sudden, I asked her what kind of person she'd like to spend her life with. She told me. She told me exactly the description I wanted to hear. That was more or less like me. I told her about me.
Now, it was kinda like a routine, that when she got down at her stoppage, she'd wave me goodbye and I'd do the same.
It was 2nd February 2005, when I finally decided to tell her what I felt. It was lunch time. I finished my food quite fast that day. Went down to the playground, where she usually had her lunch with her friends. She was sitting with one of her friends (whose name I don't quite recall at this moment). I went up to her. She looked up at me, and I told her that I needed to talk to her. She seemed puzzled as to what it could be. We walked in to the corridor. She stood near the notice board, and asked, "What is it?"
I am Jack's nervous breakdown.
I somehow managed to utter, "We were talking about that life partner thing right?"
I was waiting for her to be a bit surprised. She might have been, but didn't let it show up on her face. She just said, "Yeah?"
"Well, what if that person was me?"
I had just missed a heart attack.
I swear I noticed a smile on her face, but she hid it. She said that she'd tell me later. I wanted her to take her time to decide what she wanted. I said, "Okay. I'll see you in the bus then."
She went back to her friend. I was however tense as to what she might say. That day was one of the longest days of my life.
Back in the bus, I asked her what she'd decided. She told me that she'd tell on Valentine's day. I had to agree.
The waiting got longer. My classmates got to know about this. A few days later, Suchismita (she was in my class, and we were quite good friends back then) wanted to talk to me about this. Although she knew about it, she wanted me to tell her. After I was done, she told me that she was four years older than me. I was surprised as to why she hadn't told me that before. But I guess it was okay. Suchismita said that may be she would have thought that it would take my interest away from her. That day I asked her if that was so, and she just said, "You just didn't ask me about that before." She was right.
The next day, Sumita (who considered me one of her best friends, and still does) got to know about this and was kinda pissed off as to why I hadn't told her. I had not told her though. She was not sure if I should get along with Madhu. Mostly because she was detained twice and I was the topper at that time. I tried to make her understand that it really did not matter.
As valentine's day drew closer, I had to decide what to get as a gift. I didn't really get any pocket money. I had saved some money, that I used to get for auto fare while going to tuitions, by walking all the way instead of taking an auto. I didn't really have much money. I remember 13th February 2005 was Saraswati Puja. I went out with father and my bro, as they said they were going to see some puja. I thought as to how I'd be able to get past them and get a chocolate (5 star was her favourite) for her. Luckily, I got lost, father and bro went on a different street and I found that I'd lost 'em. I got in a shop and bought the chocolate. I found them later though.
Next day, Sumita had got me a red rose from her house (for Madhu), as was decided. In the second period, it was games period for us, and Arts had a games period too. One of the guys from Arts (whose name I don't remember) came up to me and told me that she was waiting in their class for me.
I went to that classroom. She was sitting there, alone. I went towards her, still nervous. I sat beside her and gave her the gift and the rose, saying, "Happy Valentine's day". I'd never said that to someone before. May be I should have rephrased my words. I told her that I loved her. I was waiting for her to answer. But she didn't. I managed to say, "You can take your time if you want." She said that she'd take some time to tell me if she'd get in that relationship.
Sumita later asked what happened. Everyone that knew was asking. I of course didn't have an answer. I told Sumita about that. She went to talk to Madhu. After the whole day passed, in the last but one class, Sumita called me up from the class and we went to Madhu. She was blushing and all she could say was a simple "The answer is yes."
I was the happy boy with a box of chocolates. I jumped in joy. I was happy. I was the calm little center of the world.